10 Things You Should Never Tell Your Mother:

1.) I witnessed serious crimes while trying to sleep in my car in the hospital parking lot (like prostitution and drug deals).

2.) I drive with my window cracked so I can hear cars, but can't see them very well.

3.) Donuts are at their freshest at 6:00 AM after I have been partying all night on New Year's Eve.

4.) A tornado is coming, so I'm getting right with the Lord! (Except she said that I should always be right with the Lord.)

5.) I told her that I could read the sign at church from my bedroom window, but still did not attend.

6.) I was just curious about what it felt like to be drunk, so I drank tequila until I threw up through my nose all night long. That was not even the worst part- it was not planned, so I had just eaten fresh jalapenos and queso too!

7.) We let a stranger inside our RV in the middle of a blizzard in Santa Rosa, New Mexico (just before that couple got murdered at an RV Resort in the same area)!

8.) I almost drowned during swimming lessons when I was 12, because I wanted attention from the cute lifeguard.

9.) I got lost on the south side of Nashville in the middle of the night while driving on fumes.

10.) And, the worst thing you could ever tell your mother is: I met a stranger from the internet in the middle of the night in Kansas and married him the very next day (true story)!

Mama's Little Narc